Happy National Coming Out Day!

NCOD was founded by Robert Eichberg, a founder of The Experience workshop, and National Gay Rights Advocates head Jean O’Leary during a 1988 meeting of LGBT activists as a day to celebrate coming out. The date of October 11 was chosen to mark the anniversary of the Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights, which had taken place four months earlier.

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20 Comments on Happy National Coming Out Day!

  1. I did it a day early, but yesterday I took my first big step out of the closet. I contacted an old high school friend of mine that i’ve kept in touch with for years and came out to her. She was incredibly receptive and touched that I was able to come out to her. One thing I found is that her reaction was incredibly subdued and something about that made me feel incredible. Like it isn’t the “big” deal I thought it would be. As I continue to take these steps I now feel like it can only get better from here on in. I plan on coming out entirely to the rest of my friends and also my family in the very near future. Happy National Coming Out Day everyone! 🙂

  2. OOO! brent everett fleshjack you say?! 😛 well, my coming out story is as follows, haha –

    heaps of gay porn was discovered on my computer, by my parents, at the age of 14. all hell broke loose, especially when they also discovered i had a boyfriend id met online, a year older than me. they insisted he was some sort of peadophile etc and the next two years of my life were nasty. locked away, no tv, no computer, no bf 🙁 HOWEVER, at school, where u expect the majority of nastiness to take place, i felt i need to come out to some friends, cos i needed people to talk to. they were mega supportive but, as we all know, somebody tells someone who tells everyone else and BAM – everybody knows ur floppy handed knob jockey!! i was a little bit scared of what might happen after all the horror stories u hear but everyone, and when i say everyone i mean literally everyone (even the proper thuggy ones) were really OK with it. they were asking questions left right and centre (ie, “you really take it up the bum?!” … “yes.” … “does it hurt”… “no, not really” … “how?”) but i think the thing is if ur honest with these kinda people they respect that and see tht ur perfectly normal. anyway, parents eventually kicked me out at 17, i spent the next year or so constantly moving from place to place and meeting some of the most fantastic people in the known universe and NOW, im living in london where id always dreamed of being and – well – shit happens but sometimes for the best right? it doesnt always have to be a horror story! 🙂

  3. I came out and my family shunned me. I was kicked out of my house. I lived on the streets for two weeks, looking for comfort and support. After two weeks, my dad picked me up in his truck. He apologized. He told me that the family didn’t know how to deal with me now that I was out. They were scared for me and the family. Living in a small Texas town provided a big struggle for me. I’m still not very open about my sexuality. It is hard to be where I live. There is no community support. I’m still struggling with feeling safe in my home town. Friends and family have made it easier and together we are working on a change.

  4. When I was in elementary school and middle school I was made fun of a lot. When I came out to my mom I was in 6th or 7th grade. The way I told her was I left a note on her pillow that said “Ya know what everyone says at school?… Well it’s true.” or something along those lines. Of course until I came out to her I never really told her about the ridicule I received so she didn’t really understand what I meant by it and I later had to clarify what I meant. Then in the spring of 7th grade I came out to two of my closet friends. You all know how that went, my “secret” soon spread throughout my middle school. What friends right? Eventually trying to keep my true self hidden just became too much to accomplish so I decided just to come out about it. Of course the ridicule got slightly worse. I was even followed home by resentful peer on the school bus every afternoon. I told my mom about all of this and being the spiteful person mothers are when people hurt their children she arranged an undercover police sting in my neighborhood. The kids who followed me home were eventually just given restraining orders, since sexual orientation was not covered under hate crimes at the time. Ever since that point I was never really made fun of again in middle school. Once high school came around, I was made fun of maybe once a month. When that occurred I just sort of brushed it off my shoulders and eventually became one of the most “popular” people at my high school.

    I wish my story was more common; I wish it was always that easy. Recent news stories have made me much more thankful for the time I had coming out. I hope in the future coming out will be just as easy as telling your parents you ate desert before dinner.

  5. I pulled down my zipper and out I came.

    In fact for me there was not much drama – either your friends and family loves you or they don’t – I was lucky mine did/do.

  6. I can remember it like it was yesterday the first person I ever told I was cuzion we was outside in the car at Books-A-Million she was not to surprised she said she always knew by the way I acted then of course came the questions about being with guys and of course I haven’t at that point yet I was still in middle school I was to young to know anyone like me and at that age other boys that was like me i’m sure was just as scared and confused as I was telling anyone. I felt so much better to get it off my shoulders when we went in the store she took me to the Gay section and let me look at the books and told me it’s okay to look and be this way. she got me a book to read about being gay and coming out. After telling her I felt that I could take on the world tell the rest of my family and friends and as I told my family they all knew as well which made it alot easier on me since it was not so much of a shock, they still did not quite understand and blamed themselves they did not believe me 100% because I told them I never been with a guy and I really don’t know for sure unless I have. but in my heart and mind I knew I was and it did not matter if I have been with a guy or not when I look at porn, or magazines I always looked at the guys never the girls and I would shove anything up my ass that looked like a dick because I was to young to get a dildo or have sex so I had to imper-vise you would not believe the things that went up there lol. and for my friends well most stop talking to me and I went through hell the rest of my school year because everyone found out and everyday people would come up to me and ask me if I was gay. I always denied it because I knew the harassment would only get worse, I would run class to class and hide myself from people as much as I could so I would not be noticed. because people would call me gay, fag and queer this one guy hated me so much he would push me in the hallway, lockers and wall. I would stand beside a teacher when ever I see him come so he would not touch me or mess with me one teacher could tell I was scared to death and told her what was going on, i broke down in tears a few days layter he got kicked out of school for doing all them things to me, I can remember the last thing he said to me when he came to school the last day to get his stuff. that he was going to kill me. so yeah my coming out story was good and bad, I am still damaged by all I went through and thoughts of writing a book has crossed my mind, tell my story and maybe help a kid like me because i’m sure someone else is living my life now and I just wanna reach out and give them my hand, hold them and tell them it’s gonna be okay one day. I have been there and I understand and when you think no one loves you. just remember I do and every gay out there is trying to make it better for people like you and care about you more then you ever know.

  7. Hoo rah free stuff! And all I have to do is relive the best worst night of my life!? Hoo rah a few more times.

    The long and the short of it goes something like this. My girlfriend at the time was graduating from high school. I was a sophomore, so dating an older girl came with some expectations that I had not delivered on thus far. So along comes prom and she decides that’s the night we’re doing it, popping our collective cherries. Unfortunately for her I had started to come to terms with my sexuality and another friend’s date made the ill-fated decision to reveal his orientation (bi then, gay now). She had booked a suite at a hotel, stocked it to the brink with liquor and we all got shitty. One thing led to another and I ended up kissing him in the bathroom and coming out to her, sloppy drunk and crying my eyes out.

    Did I mention it was also her 18th birthday? Ya. Not great timing, but it changed my life and I’ve never looked back.

    Happy coming out day!

  8. Well mine was a bit wired…. When I was 13 I had been dating a guy for 6 months without my family knowing and then we broke up ad he moved away and I was crushed so I was crying for a week, and my mum was worried so she asked me what’s wrong and I said nothing , but when we sat down for dinner I just said I’m gay and told them about my ex and to be honest my family didn’t react well my nan and grandad walked out and I haven’t spoke to them since and I’m 19 now and my mum was in shocked but now she is fine with it so I’m happy to be out and proud with most of my family taking it well x

  9. Since I was about 10 I have known I found men attractive, even though I knew this I just carried on convincing myself that as long as the words “I am gay” never leave my mouth then I was straight. The hardest thing was obviously telling my parents but I had to overcome the ordeal of allowing myself to actually come to terms with being gay. I came out to a few gay friends I had made online. from of all places a smart car forum as I own one. After 2 weeks I was confident enough to admit to myself that I was gay and that day I must have said I AM GAY a hundred times as I drove home from work.The next hurdle was figuring out how to tell my family and friends. Do I talk to them one by one, send them letters, throw a coming out party. So over the Uni summer break I was working at my parent’s engineering company and one time at lunch I just broke from the pressure and told them. I was shaking with fear as I knew my older brother had to find out as he also worked at the company and he was the most likely to shun me. I was so nervous it must have looked like I was having a fit with all of the skaking and crying. I just thought to myself as long as I carry on crying as much as I could to get everything out of my system then I would be ok. Mum just sat in her chair and didn’t seem to be surprised and dad was strangely calm, just wanting me to stop crying as he didn’t like me upset. It was funny looking back when mum asked “are you sure, how do you know?” especially with the amount of porn I look at and just generally how I am. So after a few very long hugs with my parents, my brother came up and gave me a huge hug. They all told me to stop being stupid because no matter who I am they will always love me. I wasn’t ready to cut things there so within the hour my younger brother had been told ( he actually shrugged it off and within 20 seconds of me calling him he was back to talking about Pokemon :D), my best friend was then told as well as my other close friends. EVERY one of them said exactly the same thing, stop being stupid, we love you no matter what. I just kept thinking to myself, really, things are going too easy. I had convinced myself that everyone was going to hate me and they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Just under 2 months on and things are going from strength to strength. I am so so much happier, a huge doubt has gone from my mind and I feel as though I can live/love my life the way I want to. I am honoured to have such an amazing family!

  10. In 2008 my mother had a cancer scare. Cysts on ovaries. Very scary. Surgery,in August. Complications of said surgery. She was in the hospital until November. In fact, her release date was my birthday. November 4. Election day in 08. Things had been kinda hairy, kinda scary, so I had pushed my birthday aside. There wasn’t anything I even wanted. Just my mom to come home.

    So it was my 23rd birthday. I had been thinking about coming out for years. I had always said I wanted to do it on my birthday. A gift to myself. I was running alll this through my head while in the bathroom. I splashed water on my face to cam my swirling brain, took a deep breath and went to my mom’s room.

    My mom and dad were just sitting around, waiting for the final papers to sign and release my mom. It was quiet. I leaned my back against the wall. I could hear my heart in my ears. I was looking at my shoes. Now or never.

    “I… I think I know what I want for my birthday…”

    My mom goes, “Well it’s a little too late for that.” She was snippy. She wanted out. I understood. I went on.

    “I… I have something I want to say. A gift… for myself…” I looked up. “I’m gay. That’s all.”

    Silence. My dad clears his throat. My mom looks at me and says, “So?”. She opens her arms and I go over to her and hug her. She kisses me and says, “I already knew.”

    So we went home. I voted. I had my red velvet cake. And that’s my coming out story.

  11. Actually I was at work, JCPenny, and my mother came for a sale, when I was helping this lady with her purchase she asked if I could ship the dress to Cuba in less then 30 hours, BTW this was 1988, and I said I am only gay not a magic fairy, and my mom looked at me. Thats how I came out. I was 17.

  12. Always after the fact people (family included) some always say “we always knew!” which is fine and all – but it’s not until you bust out the words “I’m Gay” do you actually feel liberated and free and as if a ton of bricks have been lifted off of your chest!

    It was Christmas time, when a then 18 year old me and my Mom took a trip to New York City to see a Broadway show (red flag alert!!). Well during the trip I handed my Mom a stack of photos from a Christmas party at college, which happened to include a few pictures of me and my then boyfriend. Mixed in were pictures of friends, and a few semi “lovey dovey” photos. He and I hugging -nothing too controversial! I can tell by her face that she was taking it all in and putting the pieces together.

    I took the pictures away when she was finished with the stack and proceeded to turn up the radio – at this point my heart was racing a bit because I knew any second I was going to free myself from what had been holding me down for so long. I turned down the radio and said “Mom, I have something to tell you” she replied with “Ok – what is it?” “Mom, I’m gay!” And without even missing a beat she responded with “That’s fine, just make sure you pay your car insurance on time.” She was so incredibly unbothered and completely cool about the whole thing it almost made me crazy that I had ever worried to begin with. We still laugh about that moment till this day and makes me love her even more!!

  13. The day I came out will be a day that I will never forget. It is the day I decided to break free of my shell. I was afraid like everybody else and what people would think of me. I have talked with one person who told the whole school about his homosexuality and he told me that sometimes it’s hard because of how people treat him. When I decided, I pondered for a long time who, when and what I would tell. Would I say it to my family and friends with courage out of nowhere or at the dinner table right when everybody was done eating? Do I say “Hey so and so I’m gay” or “So… can I talk to you?” When I was done and made my decision is was clear. My family would be the first one to know. I also knew I when I would tell them. When my mom and dad where in the kitchen talking I came in and took a deep breath in so I could let it all out at once and said “Mom, Dad, I am gay.” To my convenient surprise my mom asked “How do you know” as if she wasn’t really sure she wanted this. But that gave me chance to explain and tell both my mom and dad about the things I’ve e done. After that my mom was okay and told me she will always love me and same goes for my dad. The next day at school I did the same but by one friend at a time. I made a list the night before of the closest friends and as I expected the closest one did not care and the further one teased but it did the statement did not move them.
    People probably think coming out is easy or a joke but it is scary because of today’s society, it is very, very difficult. To have the not in your stomach as tight as one in a tree is to some people like having a jump of a cliff even though people say you have a safety harness that will save you.
    Thank You

  14. First of all, I was born on 1988 just a few weeks after that meeting was held!

    I wish that I came out by myself, but my sister decided to just let it slip to my parents one day. Luckily, it made the whole process a simple one since my parents approached me afterwards and told me they loved me.

    When it came down to coming out at school, I made a point to kiss my 6th-grade boyfriend when I scored a goal during gym soccer.

    Perhaps, I lucked out, since I don’t have any stories of coming out hardships, but I do understand the fear of being gay, especially in a place such as NYC where I live. In a way, I come out every day to new people; I know that one day there will be no need to have any fear and to just be able to have pride in who I am, but in the mean time I’m taking these baby steps.

  15. I was 16 then. I had a steady crush on this girl since my elementary days. But I wasn’t moving to make things happen. So I tried picking up girls online. Without much luck, I never found a girl and succumbed to letting guys watch me get off on cam. Then one guy insisted on me watching him jerk off too. To my surprise, I was turned on by it.

    So after a few months of camming with guys online, I built up the courage to go to a gay bar in my neighborhood to check the playing scene out. I was happily chatting up with a guy in the bar when suddenly some asshole grabs my shoulder, turns me to face him and screams “OH MY GOD!!! I didn’t know!” So I told him I was sort of into guys. LOL

    I guess I was outed and I didn’t really come out. Does that count? 😀

  16. Peter Shields // October 12, 2010 at 2:31 pm // Reply

    I was 32 when I finally decided that it was time to come out, I sold my house, I moved to the next city, all in the name of love for my family and friends, as I felt that if I were to lose them all, at least I would be starting a clean slate somewhere else and would be able to live my life. I decided the best way for me to go about this was to give everyone a fair chance to absorb what I was telling them, so I decided to write my family first, there are 10 kids in my family, I wrote each of them seperately explaining my lifestyle, and letting them know that I would understand if they could not accept me, I gave the the option to write, phone or do nothing, however if they chose to do nothing, I would know where they stood and I would keep my distance, with that said, I knew there would be one person that would understand and that would be my twin brother, in which he was completely understanding. The rest of the family called and told me that they had waited forever for me to finally come out, there was and still is one brother that has not phoned or wrote, however I see him at family functions, and as I promised, I have always kept my distance as I knew obviously it is something that he was not comfortable with.

    I only wish is that I would have come out sooner, after finding myself, and not living my life to the fullest I have cut myself short in not being able to be happy, which now I am making up for lost time, I have a huge circle of friends gay and straight and even the people that I meet on a day to day basis all are understanding and all know the real me, I never hide myself from anyone, I never worry about what people think, accepting yourself first is the best thing that you can do for yourself. I feel badly for people that feel that this is the end of the world if they dont get accepted, I just want all of you out there that are reading this to know one thing, your self love is the first love, all others around you matter, but you matter most to yourself, make yourself happy and everything around you will be easier, as with loving yourself first you build the confidence to conquer anything you have to…

    Remember always, love yourself first….

  17. Congratulations to Peter for winning this contest, but more importantly congratulations to all of you for being true to yourself and allowing those around you to know you for who you are, not what they expect you to be. Regardless of how your experience turned out it’s always a bit scary to be completely exposed for the first time. Thank you all for sharing your coming out stories. Reading them was truly an honor.

  18. So I didn’t win. Is there anything else I can do I will post on MySpace, Facebook & Twitter everyday an ad about the BE Fleshjacks, post banners on my website, whatever u want for a chance to win his butt lol I already bought the dildo but really want his Butt with his Tattoo Sleeve. please give me a mission or anything, as yall already know I am a HUGE fan of FJ I tell all my friends and I already got 3 of them to buy one. I even wore yall’s shirt for last years pride I think I am really a scout for yall lol that’s how much I love yall and support yall anyway I can I hope I can maybe set a booth up for yall next year at pride and talk about yalls products and maybe sale some for you guys I already own 4 FJ, Jason’s Dick and now Brents Dick and of course the awesome waterbased lube! I wish I could really work for yall I think it would be awesome! 🙂

  19. Nelson Matos // October 13, 2010 at 11:58 pm // Reply

    When I Was A Senior In High School At Age 18 I Told My Mom I Was Gay On The Way To Picking Up My Father From Work. I Thought It Was Funny Cause I Never Heard A Of Anyone Who Came Out To Someone While Driving. In The End I Was Happy I Told Them I Was Gay And They Support Me :)!

  20. Ummmm well I am only out to a few friends and two family members, however to be completely honest I am 18 and I am horrified to even try telling my parents, my mom says that if I am gay she will accept me but my guy is saying not to trust her and my dad I don’t think he would happy that his eldest son is gay.

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